I thought I was called to Chicago to help and I do believe that is what the ministry is doing; I just had no idea what helping was going to look like in my life. I didn't see myself gaining the respect of almost twenty preschoolers, I didn't see the joy they would bring to the darkest days, I didn't expect to find God's grace displayed on a daily basis, I didn't have a clue that I would be pulled in so many directions, and I never imagined how much I would truly love doing His work. I think over the last several months and there have been endless conversations that have helped me stay focused, there were so many tiny, warm hugs that kept me going, and there have been just the right amount of laughs and jokes to cancel out the tears and struggles. Going into this, I never expected to be on the receiving end of anything, but instead I have been greatly blessed with how God uses me just as I am, ill-equipped, unprepared, lost, confused, and tired. That's right, I wasn't ready for any of this, but He didn't ask me to have it all figured out when I stepped out, He just wanted me to be willing to follow. As a result, I am still confused, lost, unprepared, ill-equipped, and more exhausted than I thought possible, but I am confident that God has it figured out. He knows exactly where I am headed, He is prepared for everything I will face, and He is equipped to handle what lies ahead with a readied heart and energetic spirit.
There will be days that I will want to quit, I will get off track, and I will forget why I am here. But I am learning that God wants us to hang in there just a little bit longer. He understands our limits, He knows our fears, He gets exactly who we are, and He asks us to hold out for Him in spite of how we feel. When we don't see results, when rejection hits us with another blow, when heartache breaks us once again, when betrayal stings, when spirits are at an all time low, when fear paralyses, or when pain overwhelms; He asks us to hold on. I have found that in those moments, when we are patient and wait even when it's the last thing we want to do, He shows up in unbelievable ways. He takes notice of our obedience. He understands the amount of strength it takes to remain faithful. He knows how difficult it can be to give one more second of yourself away. He sees how much courage it takes to let Him have control. And He completely relates to loving others when they don't deserve it. He offers us hope when we can't see past ourselves, there is a new day dawning. And we will never get the chance to experience it if we stop here in the middle of the fight, the struggle, or the mess we find ourselves in. I have had to remind myself that not everything He asks of me is going to be easy, or what I truly want to do, but there is a lot to be said in doing it anyway. To serve not because I believe it will make Him love me more or impress Him, but to serve for the simple fact that, that is what He asks me to do. I know not everyone is called to go into missions, but I'm sure if we take the time, quiet our minds, and settle our hearts we will hear His calling. And I can promise you that you will be in for the ride of your life if you respond to Him.
I encourage you to keep holding on to Him. He knows this isn't easy and understands that we will feel out of our element, but He hasn't left us here to do this on our own. Find comfort in knowing that He has been there, He will be in the trenches with you, and is already waiting for you at the finish line. He hasn't given up on you, He is prepared for the journey that lies ahead, and He promises that it will all be worth it in the end.
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