A Call For Prayer

      I forgot how much energy this job requires. The familiar ache all over from constant bending down to play, lifting them for a hug, or running errands all throughout the day. My mind felt like it was running in circles as I thought about all that needs to be done and still stay focused on the children in front of me. At the church, we have downsized to one room, so the toddlers are on one side of the makeshift wall made up of the Lego table, kitchen, toy shelf, and workbench, and the preschoolers are on the other. It has been quite entertaining to see the bigger kids wanting to be apart of the smaller kids' play time. Why do we always feel like we are missing out if someone else is doing something we're not? We have been slowly moving toys, books, tables, etc. over to the house, which is next door to the new building, in order to get prepared for the big move that should be happening in a few weeks. We are currently waiting for the mudding and taping of the drywall to be completed so then the walls can be painted, fixtures can be assembled, and things will start to come to a close on the project. It is quite exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. 

Had entirely too much fun catching up with this girl! Love her to pieces!

    One of my tasks this week was to meet with a group of college students who are working through a service program at Moody Bible Institute. They will be working with me on Mondays and Fridays in the program. They will be helping with homework, bible lessons, and pouring into the children. I am expecting God to open their eyes and change their hearts like He usually does when we give of ourselves. I am beyond thankful for each one of the students, they have no idea what an encouragement their energy and excitement were to me. The time is drawing closer and closer for the after school program to start and with each passing day I have felt more and more anxious about things. I have felt completely out of my league and unprepared for what is to come. There have been so many unknowns and changes that have occurred over the last few weeks, that in the words of a good friend of mine, "I lost the vision of the bigger picture." I have ran endless scenarios through my head and tried to be productive in planning for the program, and in the process I worked myself up to the point that I'm not quite ready for the first day. Instead of allowing God to work things out and follow His lead, I have tried to make it work and like always, have fallen short. I believe this program will do a lot of good and be beneficial to every student enrolled, I just have to trust God that He will  make sense of what I can't comprehend right now. 
    This is hard for me to ask, but I am asking for prayer because there are days I don't have the energy to do this, there are times when I question if I'm really serving a purpose, and there are so many moments that I doubt that this program will come together. It has been a true struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other, not knowing what lies ahead, or how things will turn out. I don't want to miss out on the end result, so I ask for a strength that only God can provide, His peace that will calm every worry of my heart, His hope when I can only see disaster, and His patience when mine is worn thin. I also ask to be reminded of His love. A love that doesn't care if I'm perfect, a love that isn't concerned about the outcome, a love that is full of forgiveness and grace, and a love that promises to carry me through each day. I have been doing this on my own for too long and need Him to step in and guide me through this. This is His program, these are His children, and it will be His glory that shines brightly in the end despite anything that I do. 

Holding On

   As I head back into a new week after a couple weeks off, my heart beats a little faster, my mind races, and anxiety is higher than normal. Once I arrive tomorrow, my days will be filled to the brim with planning, organizing, and errands on top of everything else that is going on. It is doable, but intimidating for sure. If I thought everything up to this point was challenging, I believe the true challenges are just beginning. 

  I thought I was called to Chicago to help and I do believe that is what the ministry is doing; I just had no idea what helping was going to look like in my life. I didn't see myself gaining the respect of almost twenty preschoolers, I didn't see the joy they would bring to the darkest days, I didn't expect to find God's grace displayed on a daily basis, I didn't have a clue that I would be pulled in so many directions, and I never imagined how much I would truly love doing His work. I think over the last several months and there have been endless conversations that have helped me stay focused, there were so many tiny, warm hugs that kept me going, and there have been just the right amount of laughs and jokes to cancel out the tears and struggles. Going into this, I never expected to be on the receiving end of anything, but instead I have been greatly blessed with how God uses me just as I am, ill-equipped, unprepared, lost, confused, and tired. That's right, I wasn't ready for any of this, but He didn't ask me to have it all figured out when I stepped out, He just wanted me to be willing to follow. As a result, I am still confused, lost, unprepared, ill-equipped, and more exhausted than I thought possible, but I am confident that God has it figured out. He knows exactly where I am headed, He is prepared for everything I will face, and He is equipped to handle what lies ahead with a readied heart and energetic spirit. 

  There will be days that I will want to quit, I will get off track, and I will forget why I am here. But I am learning that God wants us to hang in there just a little bit longer. He understands our limits, He knows our fears, He gets exactly who we are, and He asks us to hold out for Him in spite of how we feel. When we don't see results, when rejection hits us with another blow, when heartache breaks us once again, when betrayal stings, when spirits are at an all time low, when fear paralyses, or when pain overwhelms; He asks us to hold on. I have found that in those moments, when we are patient and wait even when it's the last thing we want to do, He shows up in unbelievable ways. He takes notice of our obedience. He understands the amount of strength it takes to remain faithful. He knows how difficult it can be to give one more second of yourself away. He sees how much courage it takes to let Him have control. And He completely relates to loving others when they don't deserve it. He offers us hope when we can't see past ourselves, there is a new day dawning. And we will never get the chance to experience it if we stop here in the middle of the fight, the struggle, or the mess we find ourselves in. I have had to remind myself that not everything He asks of me is going to be easy, or what I truly want to do, but there is a lot to be said in doing it anyway. To serve not because I believe it will make Him love me more or impress Him, but to serve for the simple fact that, that is what He asks me to do. I know not everyone is called to go into missions, but I'm sure if we take the time, quiet our minds, and settle our hearts we will hear His calling. And I can promise you that you will be in for the ride of your life if you respond to Him.

   I encourage you to keep holding on to Him. He knows this isn't easy and understands that we will feel out of our element, but He hasn't left us here to do this on our own. Find comfort in knowing that He has been there, He will be in the trenches with you, and is already waiting for you at the finish line. He hasn't given up on you, He is prepared for the journey that lies ahead, and He promises that it will all be worth it in the end. 

Through A Child's Eye

  

   I miss them. I didn't realize how much time I truly spent with them, or how much energy they took from me. I miss their laughter, their tantrums, their hugs, I miss hearing about how they're going to go to McDonald's play land and one of the other kids isn't invited, I miss getting to see the excitement fill their eyes as we get ready to go outside to play, I miss their ornery smiles right before they attempt to do something they shouldn't, and oh how I miss hearing "Hey Ms.Wendy." I know, it's only been a week, but those beautiful children found a place in my heart I didn't even know I had. Now I get a "break" and have to deal with adults and we're not as cool as preschoolers. Okay, I take that back, the adults I am around are pretty awesome, it's just not the same as when I'm with the kids. 

  What would happen if for just one day, we would take the world on as a child? A refresher's course of how simple life is supposed to be, and notice how difficult we can make it at times. So many times I will look at the mountain of things to do on my list and get overwhelmed and start to question my sanity. But I can picture the classroom full of kids taking on the mountain one step at a time, fearless of what could happen, and confident that someone would catch them if they fell. Or when we get hurt or reach our breaking point, how a band aid can totally change the outcome, or a hug could fix all that had been broken and dry up every tear. How would we handle trusting someone else to watch over us as we focus on what's right in front of us instead of worrying about what we left behind or what lies ahead? Even as I write this, I'm telling myself, that it's a part of life, as we grow and mature our responsibilities grow as well. But, how often do we take on those responsibilities when we shouldn't? Why not take on that mountain of a to do list one step at a time, even if you don't know where to start, trust that God will guide you to where you need to be and will help you back on your feet if you fall. And when you do fall, know that even if it hurts for just a little bit, if it starts to bleed or bruise, God can heal the deepest wounds. He can bring about a comfort that surpasses our understanding and somehow brings a peace when we're in the middle of a meltdown. The trust God is asking of us is no more than the trust you have in those you love those most, except for the fact that He is unfailing, He won't ever leave your side, and He is already waiting for you to reach the top of that mountain victoriously. So often we as adults, try to play that role as well. But we're not meant to do it all, we physically can't, that responsibility relies on the very One who created us. I honestly don't know what lies ahead for me, but I have learned from about twenty tiny humans to trust in someone bigger than yourself, someone who can see the bigger picture, someone who can fix what gets broken, and someone who loves me more than I could ever love myself. 
    I understand it's easy for children to act the way they do because of the innocence that resides in their hearts. But I also believe we are supposed to approach God in a child like manner. Tear down the walls that have guarded our hearts for so long, shed the armor that reveals the wounds, lay aside the weapons we use against those who have hurt us and then take off at a running sprint into His arms. Allow Him to love you back together, accept you for all that you are, and have no doubt that you are safe with Him. It seems almost too simple, like there should be more to it, but God hasn't called us to do the rest, that's His job, His responsibility, and He will provide for His own. We spend so much time teaching our children that very lesson, maybe it's time we become the child and learn something as well. 

God Gets The Glory

    I have been over thinking what to write about over the past few weeks. There is so much to tell, yet there is also so much I'm not ready to share. However, after this last week, I think I have it figured out. I have been thinking a lot about stories in the Bible and even people I have met that have been through the wringer, tested beyond their limits, and can get up every day, stand one more time, and praise God for all He is. I have faced more challenges here recently than I feel like I have the entire time I have been here, however when writing this, I just want to give God all the glory for how He loves His own, and for all He is. I would be in far worse shape than I am if He didn't faithfully continue to work in my life. He calls us to actually work, to pull up our sleeves, pour out our sweat and tears, go that extra mile, and just when you think you can't go anymore, He reminds you of why you started, what you're really working toward, and how He hasn't let you out of His sight since the very beginning. 

    We have just wrapped up our daycare for the month of July. Ms. Pearl tries to take some time off in July or August in order to get some type of rest before we head back in a full sprint when the school year starts. July was jammed packed with children, every day they seemed to multiply. And then if it wasn't the kids, we had volunteers to add to our number, which also adds a little extra work in the planning department. We were blessed to have the people come help us, it is heart warming to see them come and love on my kids. However, at the same time I feel a little sorry for them, for they don't get to know the full stories behind each toothless smile, deafening screams, endless hugs, or silly comments the kids share. But even for just a short time, Jalia gets an extra hand to hold and arms to hug her tight. Mark has a new buddy to learn how to tie shoes with. Ka'Mya and Darchae have another person that can play the mom when they play house. Nevaeh has someone else to tell what to do as she plays the mom. Sherman has a new friend to learn new tricks from that he can try out later. Jalila, Trinity, and Zenna have another set of eyes to watch over them as they develop and learn what it means to become a preschooler instead of a toddler. Lorenzo has a new body guard to shelter him from flipping or jumping on anyone else. Janiyah has another opportunity to charm you with her sweetness and wear you out with her energy. J.D. and Lorenzo have older kids to talk to and experience adventures with and learn what it means to be a young Christian man. I value and thank God for the hearts of every volunteer that walks through our door. They have no idea how much joy I get from seeing the happiness that comes from those kids when volunteers pour into them. Even though they experience a whole new kind of exhaustion, I am almost certain, that each person experiences a different form of God's love as they spend time with our children. 

He didn't think it was cute when I did it!

    In fact, I have been blessed with seeing another side of how God works in my life through this ministry, through even just one child. We were wrapping up the end of the day, waiting for Bible study to get out, so the moms could come pick up their children and I was on Lorenzo duty. This kid has more energy than I have ever seen. He is full of life and curiosity and always ready to get away just long enough to make you have to chase after him. So as you can probably imagine, I was all over the place trying to keep him preoccupied, and was failing miserably at that. He was running around and crawling under tables, and Ms. Wendy was ready to stop chasing him. So I pick him up and put him over my shoulder and go sit in the chair with him. As soon as I sat down and got him situated, I realized what I had done. My neck was stuck at a 45 degree angle and if I tried to move it in any way, there was intense pain telling me to stop moving. I let it go for about half and hour and then came to the conclusion that this wasn't just going to go away and I had really hurt myself. Meanwhile, Lorenzo looks at me with that little grin all kids get when they have just thought of a new idea and starts running around again. I had given up at that point and told Ms. Tay Tay that I was done, and had to see how to mend what Lorenzo had broken in my neck. To make a long, extremely eventful, and painful night spent in the emergency room shorter, I was given a shot in my hip and a pain killer for a severely strained muscle in my neck. Praise the Lord it wasn't anything worse than that. I also have to share with you, that even though it just happened to me, I had people around me who went above and beyond to help me. Ms. Tay Tay willingly stayed with me the entire time at the hospital, doing all she could to make the best of the person throwing up behind us, or the crazy lady threatening people who would look at her, and all of the other lovely customers in need of medical attention. We had quite a time when we finally got to a room and heard all of the other stories happening around us. Not only can I not thank her enough for being there, I also couldn't have gotten there without her, since I could move my head, I couldn't drive either. I praise God for supplying a friend to help, to distract, and to love me even if I was on medication. Ms. Pearl came down to support me as well, and then got us both some Popeye's and Baskin Robbins that we got to enjoy around 12:30 in the morning. The next day I was awakened in my room and saw it was full of my kids coming to check on me before they went to go play. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. And then I was blessed more than I ever deserved by about eight people who came together to help get me home, since I wasn't supposed to drive with the pain medication I was on. It took one child to "break" me, but God surrounded me with more than I ever thought possible to help put me back together! 

    This week brought another set of kids, volunteers, and workers for the new building. I don't know if they realized it, but the group that came this week truly blessed my heart. They reminded me of my high school kids in my youth group back home, and made me realize how much I miss working with them. I miss the silliness of pretty much everything, but at the same time, their ability to be transparent and open about who God has made them to be. It is such a privilege to work beside young adults who are aspiring to be all God wants them to be. And a huge shout out to the people who came to put up insulation and hang drywall this weekend! With all the other stuff going on, sometimes I forget that there is more going on inside the brick building next door. We had around eleven or so men working on all sorts of things in that building this weekend, it was so exciting to see walls that used to be just metal studs. Some more inspections were checked off and we couldn't be more blessed by how God helped us in our time of need. One of the groups that came to help with the drywall came from my home church, Smyser Christian Church and I can't tell you how encouraging it was to see faces that I knew, relationships that had already been made so that jokes and slams could be thrown around to pass the time. It is wonderful to meet new people that God has placed in my life, because there have been quite a few that have passed through our doors, but nothing has topped the joy that filled my heart to see the people in my church come support what God is doing in Roseland. I can understand a little more of what Ms. Pearl means when she tells me that God is building this building. Humans may put forth the effort, but God resides in their hearts and brings them here. It is truly amazing at how He works in the midst of the roughest neighborhood, in the hearts of the toughest people, and brings about a glorious hope, that no one who encounters it could ever deny. 

Had so much fun watching them be a part of this ministry!

It gets more real every day!