The Journey

       In the Christian faith, I have heard a lot about the mountain tops and valleys a person experiences. However, I believe there is a place that gets overlooked. I'm talking about the steep hills we can spend so much of our time trying to scale, or the narrow foot paths that if we were to slip we would surely fall off the cliff. The period of time we spend trying to figure out the right direction we should go, or the moments when we feel as if we have exerted as much energy as we could, yet are required of even more. I'm talking about the journey. From the very beginning as we look up for what seems like miles to even catch a glimpse of the top, or the view from the halfway point where we have a choice to turn around or keep going, or that last precious step we take that enables us to get a 360 degree view of where God has been leading us. Each part plays an important role in our walk with Christ; for each one has something to teach us about ourselves and how God uses every moment in our lives for His purpose. I feel as if this journey began on a mountain top after quite of bit of learning through a valley. Nothing could hold a candle to my passion and desire for God, everything was clear and made sense, and all I could see was His glorious light for miles and miles. However, I would be a fool to think it could be like that forever. How else could I learn to appreciate the rays of light that burst through the canopy of trees; small, beautiful reminders that God is still with me. It's along the way that I can take notice and praise God for the fine details He puts in his creation; I can hear the melodies of nature coming to life and serving the purpose He specifically designed for them. I find out He is the source of my strength as I pull myself up and over obstacles along the way; I can only glorify His name as I take each step and persevere. We often hear that we should praise Him through the valley, and I without a doubt agree with that; however, nothing is as precious as the honor we lift before Him while we are in the middle of it all. Praising him for what He has brought us through which has enabled our hearts to glorify His name while we walk down the path He made for us! There is a lot to be said for remaining faithful when our need isn't as desperate as before and it would be easier to become complacent.
        I guess I share all this to encourage anyone who is in the in between, for Christ will meet you in the middle. When there are times you feel like you started out with direction, but somewhere along the way you may have gotten lost. Or it seems like you have spent so much time and energy that you feel like you should have reached your destination by now; be patient and stay true, for it's all in His timing. Or maybe you just need motivation to get you through the last few miles; keep focused and look ahead, Jesus is already waiting with brighter days ahead!
      I opened up a bit because that's where I feel like I am these days. I went from feeling on top of the world, to being kind of caught in the middle and not for sure where I'm headed. I feel like I'm all over the place, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm learning the true extent I have to go on all levels in order to let God use me fully. I've had to realize that it's not about my part (because it's not about me at all) in God's plan but how He plays a part in everything, and I mean absolutely everything! So many situations arise and I can't help but give God the glory for bringing them about. Along with the challenges have been times of excitement, such as seeing the building coming together right before our eyes (I will post pictures soon). I wish I could take a picture of Ms. Pearl as she looks out the window, it would truly make your heart smile and bring about an inspiration to be patient because God holds true to His promises.
      And then there are these kids:

           I know, right? I mean how did I get so lucky?!? It's crazy to think that working with them is what I consider a break! They cause me to get out of my thoughts and into a world of imagination, hope, and pure joy. Tears come to my eyes as I think of all they do for my heart; their hugs and laughter go beyond my heart to uplift my spirit. The love God has for these precious ones shines so brightly through them that I cannot help but be encouraged to keep going! He is helping me through this journey and I could not be more thankful! 

Honestly

         This is hard. God has been working on my heart more than ever these past few weeks. It started when a friend told me that they had always thought that missionaries would be happy with the work they are doing. Since then, I have wrestled with how I feel about things here; it's not necessarily "happy," but nothing can steal the joy this work brings. My perspective since starting this journey has definitely changed! I have felt convicted to be more open about life here, I believe God wants to use even the worst scenarios to bring about His glory. I must warn you, it's not always a pretty picture like I have been trying to portray. Much like a child's drawing, it can look chaotic, colors are outside the lines, people take on a whole new shape, and what should be easy to see can at times be difficult to interpret. I have had to remind myself that even though God can use whatever I give Him to reach others, He wants all of me. So I can share all day long about how He is blessing me, but you won't understand how precious the blessing is if I don't share what He brought me through to get to it.
         I feel like the cultures I have experienced are on two completely different sides of the spectrum. I never pictured myself having conversations about the differences a color pigmentation brings and how much of an issue it can be. I was naïve in thinking that people can look past an outward appearance or their own assumptions in order to get to know another person. Getting to know some people has been a challenge because they are so guarded, so some relationships will only be surface deep. I wasn't quite prepared for feeling so detached at times. It's not always easy being the odd man out, however, there are quite a few people who have been willing to take me under their wing and with a lot of patience, have explained many unknowns to me.
       Another part of this journey has just been getting used to the way of life. I didn't move to a third world country, I don't live in a house of mud, and I don't have to go days without bathing, but there are days I feel like I'm in a totally different country. Daily interactions or tasks cannot be approached in the same way; not every person is a friendly face, and not every street is meant for actual traffic. There isn't an easy way around it, no sugarcoating the truth, it is an extremely intimidating environment. It would be wise to get inside before dark, because when most are sleeping, the neighbors find it the opportune time to wake up. The quiet sets people on edge waiting for what will happen next to liven things up. It is so consuming that I can go days without hearing about anything else going on in the world. When we do watch television, it's usually the news, and they are usually reporting on all the nonsense that's happening in the Roseland community. We don't really talk with too many people outside of Roseland, except for supporters of our ministry or laborers for our new building. I find it so interesting that there is such a need in this community and that this ministry is so focused on every part of it; God doesn't seem to allow for too many distractions.
        I may not be comfortable in my new surroundings, but I am learning that God doesn't want us to get comfortable. He opens doors to new adventures in order to experience a new side of Him. I'm not allowed to run away when it gets hard, and trust me, it's usually always harder than I think. No, God calls us into the middle of the mess and to trust His ability to equip us for whatever lies ahead. I may not be the person who will change the face of Roseland, but He has placed me here to be His voice, to be His hands, and to share His love. This life calls me to trust God with all I have. That comes with some pretty stressful moments, but it also has some pretty inspiring rewards at the same time. Even on the worst days He can provide such unexpected comfort and peace. I was caught off guard this week by a conversation with Ms. Pearl. The past couple of weeks have been more challenging than most due to the busyness of construction and warmer weather, and honestly I have felt in over my head. Well, she stopped me the other day and asked me if I was okay. This is nothing new or different, but I actually answered her with a completely honest response. "I don't know, I feel like I'm going crazy at times." She just smiles at me and says, "Honey, you gotta be a little crazy to follow Jesus!" I'm sure those words don't seem extravagant or life changing, however, in that moment, it's just what I needed to keep going. What comfort to know that it's ok to feel like you don't know what you got yourself into, it's a normal reaction when your world gets turned upside down. How encouraging is it to know that we're not alone in anything we're feeling, we have someone to walk along with us in whatever journey we find ourselves on. And what a relief to know that when it feels like we are losing our grip of control, God reveals that He has been running things from the beginning and will see us through to the very end. He hasn't promised that it would be easy, but He has promised us that remaining faithful to Him will be totally worth it! And the hope I have in that very promise is more than enough to keep going!



Back To The Lego Table

     I got to listen to the sounds of life in the middle of God's beautiful creation, birds chirping a million different songs, insects buzzing with energy, and the earth starting to come to life. I cannot get over how much I miss just the sounds of home, let alone the comforts of the people that go with it. I am so thankful for the reminder that my God is still the God that created the universe, causes the sun to rise, the moon to shine, and life on earth to blossom in order to praise His name. What an honor to serve a God that can bring such peace to our troubled hearts, a calm in the middle of the storms, and hope to light up the darkness with the beauty His creation holds.
      And even when I'm away from the luxuries of home, I still find His hand at work, which is such a comfort. My thoughts kept going back to my mornings at the daycare, so I decided to share how my mind wanders (Hang in there with me, I believe I have a point at the end). After the kids eat breakfast, they wash their hands and play at the Lego table. It seems like hundreds of blocks of all different colors and sizes end up everywhere in a four foot radius around the table. It never fails that two or more of the children will be off at the train table with a Lego version of a train, tower, doghouse, or airplane. Then we have the fearless two year olds, who know no boundaries, and have decided that the xylophones, maracas, work benches, or cars are much more intriguing than Legos. Don't forget about the kids who have made up their minds to terrorize everyone else while they are playing. They never fail to deliver the daily tearful screams as someone steals the hundredth block, or knocks over the priceless mansion, or punches/bites someone for the toy in their hands that sends them to time-out every time! With each child, no matter where they have run off to or been sent, we always direct them back to the Lego Table, with hopes and prayers that they will get it right this time.
      This illustration is a close representation of the life we all live, and how God graciously works with us every step of the way. He feeds us with His Word, energizes us to start our journey. He refines our spirits, mends what has been broken, and washes us white as snow to prepare us for what lies ahead. We enter into a world that is not our home, but in it we interact with others like us, those who are different, some who are unpleasant, some who we grow to love, and others who we won't ever see eye to eye with. We get so caught up in our possessions or the people we're involved with, that at some points we get carried away and find ourselves far off from where we started. Or we lose sight of the original plan and find ourselves meddling in activities that are nowhere near what we were set out to do. And at times we find ourselves dealing with those who make it a point to make this journey even more difficult by stealing our joy, destroying what matters most to us, and damaging us to core of our beings. No matter where we find ourselves, God meets us in that moment to draw us to where He originally sent us. He calls us to remain in Him while we are a part of this world. He has an endless supply of tools and resources to help us get through every situation, always able to replenish our spirits when ours have run dry. He continues to send us out, even after we have stumbled, for He can and will use us to bring about His glory.
      I know it may seem a little odd to compare a such a seemingly meaningless toy to how the God of the universe works with us. However, if you were to see the look of excitement on each of those faces as they approach that table, and how upset they get when they are not allowed to play for a period of time, you may be able to get a glimpse of just how important a role God plays in our lives. Oh how I praise God for toddlers and what He can teach us through a child's point of view.
     

Life as a Follower

         The tarps have disappeared, the boards have been gathered away, and the hole is completely filled with solid concrete. It seemed to take forever getting to this point, always something standing in the way of progress; however, as always, God pulled us through and it couldn't have been more exciting! The daycare kids had the opportunity to come over to the house and watch the process. As we walked closer and closer, their excitement began to build, they were blown away by the monstrous trucks and all the equipment the workers were using. I can only imagine how it looked to see all those little kids smashed up against the windows fighting over the best view. Ms. Pearl was just as bad as the kids, which was pretty cool to see. She stayed at the house all day, just staring out the window (with a few million interruptions as usual) and praising God for how He had brought everything together. It is so humbling to listen to her praising God, she truly relies on Him for absolutely everything, and she has no doubt that in some way or another, He will provide. And the awesome thing is that He always pulls through! He has made an example of her to show that trust and perseverance in His ability will bring about His incredible glory!

 

 

 

 

Praise God!

           I have been spending a lot more of my time with some of the moms. Ms. Roberta and I try to come up with an evening once a week to spend with them. Some of them haven't experienced a group of friends that just gets together to play games, go out for dinner, or just have plain fun without any extra "supplies" needed. We understand that everyone, especially mothers, just need a break from the endless cycle of motherhood to be themselves and not have as many things to worry about for a bit. We have had some pretty hilarious conversations around a movie that was never really watched, there is a jealousy over dinners at Chili's, and too many laughs about too many subjects! It has been great getting to know them, I have learned so much about them and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share time with each one of them.


 My partner in crime, so thankful to have met this girl!

        Those kids were pretty adorable this week, every day there was something else they did that touched my heart and made me laugh. They say some of the silliest things and try the craziest stunts. As I'm writing this, I can't quit from laughing out loud as I picture Sherman standing in line (well jumping, crawling, spinning, etc in line) and then he stops and says, "Ms. Wendy?" "Yes, Sherman?" "You crazy!" I was of course not going to admit that he may be right, so I replied with, "Umm, no Sherman, you're crazy!" Sherman of course had to argue with me, and so he and about eight of his coconspirators proceeded to tell me that I was the crazy one as we walked down the hallway. I couldn't help but smile at that one. And then one afternoon I was laying out their cots for nap time and each time I would enter the room with a new cot, one of the kids would say, "Hello Mommy." It didn't take long for the others to catch on and shortly after they were all saying/yelling it! I told them I wasn't their mommy, but if they were going to call me that, they had to call me Ms. Mommy. They thought that was even funnier to say so that was the chant in the room for a bit, and then all of a sudden Sherman yelled out, "Hello Cutie." I busted a gut with that one. He said it with the orneriest grin I have ever seen, knowing he just said something pretty great, and then of course Mark thought it was fun so he joined in on that one as well. Children are truly a blessing, one that we so often miss out on with the busyness of life. However, there are moments that they won't let us miss. Ka'Mya came up to me one morning with a Poptart. This caught me off guard and I asked her what was up. She said I brought this for you, it's strawberry with sprinkles which I know you would like! I have received a lot of gifts, but never a Poptart, but graciously accepted it along with a sweet hug. Ms. Pearl explained that she wants her teachers to feel as special we make them feel. Needless to say, I savored every bite of that pastry and was filled with love for that precious girl. 

Sherman wanted a picture of our shadows :)

     Another moment that touched my heart this week was Bible Study. We're discussing being followers of Christ and how He truly changes your life if you allow Him. I was challenged to think of my mission as a follower of Christ. I know we are called to go and make disciples in order to spread the message of Jesus, but I'm realizing there is more being asked of me. I am required to do more than just to go. I'm called to continue to grow in my own walk as I help others. I need to make time for God, as well as those I'm guiding in order to learn how to lead them better. I can't lose the foundation that He has built for me so I can build up those around me. I cannot get comfortable even after getting out of my comfort zone. I was convicted as I listened to some of the responses, and realized I have to step up my game. It has truly been an adjustment (a part of me believes it will always be an adjustment) living in this environment, however, I can't use that as an excuse. He called me here, He has placed people around me who support and love me, and He has given me tasks that have to be accomplished in order for His will to be done. Complacency is not an option. Fear has no control. It was all too clear that even though I felt like what I am doing was enough, it's only the beginning of what He is calling me here to do. I don't share this to discourage anyone, only to challenge you to see what else you could honestly be doing. Don't stretch yourself too thin, know your limits, but if you know that you could do more for Him, go for it. He will be with you every step of the way, He will provide encouragement and support in more ways than you can imagine, He will protect you from the biggest challenges, and He will never fail you. He has called you to do His work, and trust me, He has the perfect plan for how you should go about doing it. So if you're at the starting line, in the middle of the chaos, or almost to the mountaintop, don't ever lose sight of Him, keep Him close to your heart, and trust Him with all you are, and He will show you the way.