A Call For Prayer

      I forgot how much energy this job requires. The familiar ache all over from constant bending down to play, lifting them for a hug, or running errands all throughout the day. My mind felt like it was running in circles as I thought about all that needs to be done and still stay focused on the children in front of me. At the church, we have downsized to one room, so the toddlers are on one side of the makeshift wall made up of the Lego table, kitchen, toy shelf, and workbench, and the preschoolers are on the other. It has been quite entertaining to see the bigger kids wanting to be apart of the smaller kids' play time. Why do we always feel like we are missing out if someone else is doing something we're not? We have been slowly moving toys, books, tables, etc. over to the house, which is next door to the new building, in order to get prepared for the big move that should be happening in a few weeks. We are currently waiting for the mudding and taping of the drywall to be completed so then the walls can be painted, fixtures can be assembled, and things will start to come to a close on the project. It is quite exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. 

Had entirely too much fun catching up with this girl! Love her to pieces!

    One of my tasks this week was to meet with a group of college students who are working through a service program at Moody Bible Institute. They will be working with me on Mondays and Fridays in the program. They will be helping with homework, bible lessons, and pouring into the children. I am expecting God to open their eyes and change their hearts like He usually does when we give of ourselves. I am beyond thankful for each one of the students, they have no idea what an encouragement their energy and excitement were to me. The time is drawing closer and closer for the after school program to start and with each passing day I have felt more and more anxious about things. I have felt completely out of my league and unprepared for what is to come. There have been so many unknowns and changes that have occurred over the last few weeks, that in the words of a good friend of mine, "I lost the vision of the bigger picture." I have ran endless scenarios through my head and tried to be productive in planning for the program, and in the process I worked myself up to the point that I'm not quite ready for the first day. Instead of allowing God to work things out and follow His lead, I have tried to make it work and like always, have fallen short. I believe this program will do a lot of good and be beneficial to every student enrolled, I just have to trust God that He will  make sense of what I can't comprehend right now. 
    This is hard for me to ask, but I am asking for prayer because there are days I don't have the energy to do this, there are times when I question if I'm really serving a purpose, and there are so many moments that I doubt that this program will come together. It has been a true struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other, not knowing what lies ahead, or how things will turn out. I don't want to miss out on the end result, so I ask for a strength that only God can provide, His peace that will calm every worry of my heart, His hope when I can only see disaster, and His patience when mine is worn thin. I also ask to be reminded of His love. A love that doesn't care if I'm perfect, a love that isn't concerned about the outcome, a love that is full of forgiveness and grace, and a love that promises to carry me through each day. I have been doing this on my own for too long and need Him to step in and guide me through this. This is His program, these are His children, and it will be His glory that shines brightly in the end despite anything that I do. 

Holding On

   As I head back into a new week after a couple weeks off, my heart beats a little faster, my mind races, and anxiety is higher than normal. Once I arrive tomorrow, my days will be filled to the brim with planning, organizing, and errands on top of everything else that is going on. It is doable, but intimidating for sure. If I thought everything up to this point was challenging, I believe the true challenges are just beginning. 

  I thought I was called to Chicago to help and I do believe that is what the ministry is doing; I just had no idea what helping was going to look like in my life. I didn't see myself gaining the respect of almost twenty preschoolers, I didn't see the joy they would bring to the darkest days, I didn't expect to find God's grace displayed on a daily basis, I didn't have a clue that I would be pulled in so many directions, and I never imagined how much I would truly love doing His work. I think over the last several months and there have been endless conversations that have helped me stay focused, there were so many tiny, warm hugs that kept me going, and there have been just the right amount of laughs and jokes to cancel out the tears and struggles. Going into this, I never expected to be on the receiving end of anything, but instead I have been greatly blessed with how God uses me just as I am, ill-equipped, unprepared, lost, confused, and tired. That's right, I wasn't ready for any of this, but He didn't ask me to have it all figured out when I stepped out, He just wanted me to be willing to follow. As a result, I am still confused, lost, unprepared, ill-equipped, and more exhausted than I thought possible, but I am confident that God has it figured out. He knows exactly where I am headed, He is prepared for everything I will face, and He is equipped to handle what lies ahead with a readied heart and energetic spirit. 

  There will be days that I will want to quit, I will get off track, and I will forget why I am here. But I am learning that God wants us to hang in there just a little bit longer. He understands our limits, He knows our fears, He gets exactly who we are, and He asks us to hold out for Him in spite of how we feel. When we don't see results, when rejection hits us with another blow, when heartache breaks us once again, when betrayal stings, when spirits are at an all time low, when fear paralyses, or when pain overwhelms; He asks us to hold on. I have found that in those moments, when we are patient and wait even when it's the last thing we want to do, He shows up in unbelievable ways. He takes notice of our obedience. He understands the amount of strength it takes to remain faithful. He knows how difficult it can be to give one more second of yourself away. He sees how much courage it takes to let Him have control. And He completely relates to loving others when they don't deserve it. He offers us hope when we can't see past ourselves, there is a new day dawning. And we will never get the chance to experience it if we stop here in the middle of the fight, the struggle, or the mess we find ourselves in. I have had to remind myself that not everything He asks of me is going to be easy, or what I truly want to do, but there is a lot to be said in doing it anyway. To serve not because I believe it will make Him love me more or impress Him, but to serve for the simple fact that, that is what He asks me to do. I know not everyone is called to go into missions, but I'm sure if we take the time, quiet our minds, and settle our hearts we will hear His calling. And I can promise you that you will be in for the ride of your life if you respond to Him.

   I encourage you to keep holding on to Him. He knows this isn't easy and understands that we will feel out of our element, but He hasn't left us here to do this on our own. Find comfort in knowing that He has been there, He will be in the trenches with you, and is already waiting for you at the finish line. He hasn't given up on you, He is prepared for the journey that lies ahead, and He promises that it will all be worth it in the end. 

Through A Child's Eye

  

   I miss them. I didn't realize how much time I truly spent with them, or how much energy they took from me. I miss their laughter, their tantrums, their hugs, I miss hearing about how they're going to go to McDonald's play land and one of the other kids isn't invited, I miss getting to see the excitement fill their eyes as we get ready to go outside to play, I miss their ornery smiles right before they attempt to do something they shouldn't, and oh how I miss hearing "Hey Ms.Wendy." I know, it's only been a week, but those beautiful children found a place in my heart I didn't even know I had. Now I get a "break" and have to deal with adults and we're not as cool as preschoolers. Okay, I take that back, the adults I am around are pretty awesome, it's just not the same as when I'm with the kids. 

  What would happen if for just one day, we would take the world on as a child? A refresher's course of how simple life is supposed to be, and notice how difficult we can make it at times. So many times I will look at the mountain of things to do on my list and get overwhelmed and start to question my sanity. But I can picture the classroom full of kids taking on the mountain one step at a time, fearless of what could happen, and confident that someone would catch them if they fell. Or when we get hurt or reach our breaking point, how a band aid can totally change the outcome, or a hug could fix all that had been broken and dry up every tear. How would we handle trusting someone else to watch over us as we focus on what's right in front of us instead of worrying about what we left behind or what lies ahead? Even as I write this, I'm telling myself, that it's a part of life, as we grow and mature our responsibilities grow as well. But, how often do we take on those responsibilities when we shouldn't? Why not take on that mountain of a to do list one step at a time, even if you don't know where to start, trust that God will guide you to where you need to be and will help you back on your feet if you fall. And when you do fall, know that even if it hurts for just a little bit, if it starts to bleed or bruise, God can heal the deepest wounds. He can bring about a comfort that surpasses our understanding and somehow brings a peace when we're in the middle of a meltdown. The trust God is asking of us is no more than the trust you have in those you love those most, except for the fact that He is unfailing, He won't ever leave your side, and He is already waiting for you to reach the top of that mountain victoriously. So often we as adults, try to play that role as well. But we're not meant to do it all, we physically can't, that responsibility relies on the very One who created us. I honestly don't know what lies ahead for me, but I have learned from about twenty tiny humans to trust in someone bigger than yourself, someone who can see the bigger picture, someone who can fix what gets broken, and someone who loves me more than I could ever love myself. 
    I understand it's easy for children to act the way they do because of the innocence that resides in their hearts. But I also believe we are supposed to approach God in a child like manner. Tear down the walls that have guarded our hearts for so long, shed the armor that reveals the wounds, lay aside the weapons we use against those who have hurt us and then take off at a running sprint into His arms. Allow Him to love you back together, accept you for all that you are, and have no doubt that you are safe with Him. It seems almost too simple, like there should be more to it, but God hasn't called us to do the rest, that's His job, His responsibility, and He will provide for His own. We spend so much time teaching our children that very lesson, maybe it's time we become the child and learn something as well. 

God Gets The Glory

    I have been over thinking what to write about over the past few weeks. There is so much to tell, yet there is also so much I'm not ready to share. However, after this last week, I think I have it figured out. I have been thinking a lot about stories in the Bible and even people I have met that have been through the wringer, tested beyond their limits, and can get up every day, stand one more time, and praise God for all He is. I have faced more challenges here recently than I feel like I have the entire time I have been here, however when writing this, I just want to give God all the glory for how He loves His own, and for all He is. I would be in far worse shape than I am if He didn't faithfully continue to work in my life. He calls us to actually work, to pull up our sleeves, pour out our sweat and tears, go that extra mile, and just when you think you can't go anymore, He reminds you of why you started, what you're really working toward, and how He hasn't let you out of His sight since the very beginning. 

    We have just wrapped up our daycare for the month of July. Ms. Pearl tries to take some time off in July or August in order to get some type of rest before we head back in a full sprint when the school year starts. July was jammed packed with children, every day they seemed to multiply. And then if it wasn't the kids, we had volunteers to add to our number, which also adds a little extra work in the planning department. We were blessed to have the people come help us, it is heart warming to see them come and love on my kids. However, at the same time I feel a little sorry for them, for they don't get to know the full stories behind each toothless smile, deafening screams, endless hugs, or silly comments the kids share. But even for just a short time, Jalia gets an extra hand to hold and arms to hug her tight. Mark has a new buddy to learn how to tie shoes with. Ka'Mya and Darchae have another person that can play the mom when they play house. Nevaeh has someone else to tell what to do as she plays the mom. Sherman has a new friend to learn new tricks from that he can try out later. Jalila, Trinity, and Zenna have another set of eyes to watch over them as they develop and learn what it means to become a preschooler instead of a toddler. Lorenzo has a new body guard to shelter him from flipping or jumping on anyone else. Janiyah has another opportunity to charm you with her sweetness and wear you out with her energy. J.D. and Lorenzo have older kids to talk to and experience adventures with and learn what it means to be a young Christian man. I value and thank God for the hearts of every volunteer that walks through our door. They have no idea how much joy I get from seeing the happiness that comes from those kids when volunteers pour into them. Even though they experience a whole new kind of exhaustion, I am almost certain, that each person experiences a different form of God's love as they spend time with our children. 

He didn't think it was cute when I did it!

    In fact, I have been blessed with seeing another side of how God works in my life through this ministry, through even just one child. We were wrapping up the end of the day, waiting for Bible study to get out, so the moms could come pick up their children and I was on Lorenzo duty. This kid has more energy than I have ever seen. He is full of life and curiosity and always ready to get away just long enough to make you have to chase after him. So as you can probably imagine, I was all over the place trying to keep him preoccupied, and was failing miserably at that. He was running around and crawling under tables, and Ms. Wendy was ready to stop chasing him. So I pick him up and put him over my shoulder and go sit in the chair with him. As soon as I sat down and got him situated, I realized what I had done. My neck was stuck at a 45 degree angle and if I tried to move it in any way, there was intense pain telling me to stop moving. I let it go for about half and hour and then came to the conclusion that this wasn't just going to go away and I had really hurt myself. Meanwhile, Lorenzo looks at me with that little grin all kids get when they have just thought of a new idea and starts running around again. I had given up at that point and told Ms. Tay Tay that I was done, and had to see how to mend what Lorenzo had broken in my neck. To make a long, extremely eventful, and painful night spent in the emergency room shorter, I was given a shot in my hip and a pain killer for a severely strained muscle in my neck. Praise the Lord it wasn't anything worse than that. I also have to share with you, that even though it just happened to me, I had people around me who went above and beyond to help me. Ms. Tay Tay willingly stayed with me the entire time at the hospital, doing all she could to make the best of the person throwing up behind us, or the crazy lady threatening people who would look at her, and all of the other lovely customers in need of medical attention. We had quite a time when we finally got to a room and heard all of the other stories happening around us. Not only can I not thank her enough for being there, I also couldn't have gotten there without her, since I could move my head, I couldn't drive either. I praise God for supplying a friend to help, to distract, and to love me even if I was on medication. Ms. Pearl came down to support me as well, and then got us both some Popeye's and Baskin Robbins that we got to enjoy around 12:30 in the morning. The next day I was awakened in my room and saw it was full of my kids coming to check on me before they went to go play. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. And then I was blessed more than I ever deserved by about eight people who came together to help get me home, since I wasn't supposed to drive with the pain medication I was on. It took one child to "break" me, but God surrounded me with more than I ever thought possible to help put me back together! 

    This week brought another set of kids, volunteers, and workers for the new building. I don't know if they realized it, but the group that came this week truly blessed my heart. They reminded me of my high school kids in my youth group back home, and made me realize how much I miss working with them. I miss the silliness of pretty much everything, but at the same time, their ability to be transparent and open about who God has made them to be. It is such a privilege to work beside young adults who are aspiring to be all God wants them to be. And a huge shout out to the people who came to put up insulation and hang drywall this weekend! With all the other stuff going on, sometimes I forget that there is more going on inside the brick building next door. We had around eleven or so men working on all sorts of things in that building this weekend, it was so exciting to see walls that used to be just metal studs. Some more inspections were checked off and we couldn't be more blessed by how God helped us in our time of need. One of the groups that came to help with the drywall came from my home church, Smyser Christian Church and I can't tell you how encouraging it was to see faces that I knew, relationships that had already been made so that jokes and slams could be thrown around to pass the time. It is wonderful to meet new people that God has placed in my life, because there have been quite a few that have passed through our doors, but nothing has topped the joy that filled my heart to see the people in my church come support what God is doing in Roseland. I can understand a little more of what Ms. Pearl means when she tells me that God is building this building. Humans may put forth the effort, but God resides in their hearts and brings them here. It is truly amazing at how He works in the midst of the roughest neighborhood, in the hearts of the toughest people, and brings about a glorious hope, that no one who encounters it could ever deny. 

Had so much fun watching them be a part of this ministry!

It gets more real every day!

Listen

    Just a warning to my parents and any of my adopted parents who care just as much about me, this may not be the easiest thing to read. I need you to understand that I have come to terms with a lot more than I ever thought possible and I fully trust in God's ability to take care of me. I pray if anything comes out of this experience is that others will read this and start to truly believe God is capable of all He says He is! 
    This week took a lot out of me, I haven't had this challenging of a time in a while. I returned to a few new faces at the daycare, and by a few I mean we had about 15-20 more than normal! During the summer months we have previous daycare kids return and then an in home daycare down the street joins us for the morning. Let's just say that the noise level is raised a couple hundred notches, there are more arguments, more tears, and a few more deep breaths taken throughout the day. Along with the madness also comes more smiles, more hugs, and more random stories, so after some time to process everything, it all sort of evens out. In an effort to not go crazy, I spent a lot of this week quietly listening and taking it all in, and I thought I would share some of what I heard. 
     I worked with about five middle school aged children in the afternoons in order to keep boredom from creeping up on them. I don't know if you have had any experience in this area, but there is a lot going on in an average preteen's mind. Don't worry the normal comments about how they hate the teacher or think everything I say, do, or tell them to do is stupid were a huge part of our time together. However, I also heard multiple stories about how cousins, uncles, or friends had been involved in or were victims of shootings or violence and questions about how God could love the people that hurt them arose. I could hear a desperate need to be noticed because they have had to grow up as the parent to their siblings in their homes. Just like my preschoolers, they crave the feeling that they matter and are loved. I think I worked the most in the afternoons just having conversations with those kids than I have in the past few months. However, as I look back, I wouldn't have traded that time to be with anyone else, because for those couple of hours, I allowed them to be their silly selves and learned so much about what it means to be in their world and how they are trying to figure out how God fits in all of it. 
    I was reminded of where I live this week. I had come home to a couple of new faces, previous volunteers of Ms. Pearl's, that were staying with us because of her two small children while the rest of their group stayed at a different facility. As we were getting acquainted, my roommate came home from her month long summer trip; I can't tell you how much it meant to me to hear her voice and know that my friend was back. We were catching up and introducing ourselves and planning how the evening was going to play out. My roommate was going to leave to visit a friend who was in town and come back so we all could leave to go to dinner. As the rest of us were talking in the front room, the dreaded booms deafened the street. The next words I heard were from outside, "Get down, get inside!" Thankfully we were already inside, and there was no harm done, but my roommate had just left. I made sure our guests were taken care of and called my roommate. As soon as I dialed the number, I heard the front door open and there she was, yet again, no words can describe how wonderful it was to see that girl and hear her voice! I wish I could tell you I have been thinking of it a lot since it happened like a normal person would, but I honestly haven't. God has brought a peace that I cannot explain. I understand the dangers around me, I know I have to be safe, but I have never been more secure in the fact that God is with me. I trust Him to protect me, which He has done more than you will ever know. And I trust Him to surround those I love, for He cares for you just as much as He does myself. I pray for your trust in Him to be strengthened and for His peace to enter your heart instead of worry or fear after reading that. I know it's not always easy, but it is easier with Him!
    The next day we took a field trip to the zoo. There was the added stress of the extra children, there were about forty children hyped up and ready for this adventure. After the mad dash to get lunch ready, and making sure everyone had a name tag and a buddy, we all piled on the bus. The anticipation was killing the kids, they get so excited about things I took for granted growing up. It is always humbling to work with these kids, they truly touch my heart in the most unexpected ways. As we traveled, the radio came on, they would dance and sing some of the words to songs I could hardly understand, and I just shook my head thinking I was just that crazy growing up. But then, "Take Me To The King" came on the radio, and you want to talk about a children's choir!?! It was the most beautiful sound I had heard all week, they knew every word, they lifted their hands in praise and everyone of those kids sang that song from their heart. I can't help but praise God for such blessings in the midst of chaos, when everything around you is a hot mess, but then He shares pure joy and adoration right in the middle of everything! 
    There were more random things I heard this week such as, "Right here, in these next few blocks, is the murder capitol of Chicago," "Ms. Wendy, if I didn't know you were from three hours south, I would think you were from Roseland," "Ms. Wendy, Ms. Wendy, Ms. Wendy!!!! Yes? Can I have a hug?" "Ms. Wendy, I'm gonna call you my auntie from now on," "Your hair is gorgeous Ms. Wendy," "Heaven is going to be the coolest thing you've ever seen boys and girls," or "Let's go to Chipotle!" Like I said before, it was a difficult week, however, I heard God speaking through so many people. He brought me to a place where I am surrounded by noises of all sorts, but His voice speaks the loudest in the quietest way. It is remarkable to hear what He has to say in conversations with children, with friends, or situations. I encourage you to take the time and truly listen to what He has to say to you!

He Changes Everything

   My eyes fill with tears as I sit here thinking of all I can write about. God has shown me so much about who He is and all He is capable of. He has revealed to me so much about myself that it has taken me a while to process it all. And His glory has been shone brilliantly through people of all ages that I can not help but praise His name! 

     Two weeks ago I went to a Christ In Youth conference with my church's high school youth group in Holland, Michigan. Before the trip, I was thinking how this would be an easy week compared to what I have been dealing with in Chicago. It would be familiar and with people I knew, so I thought it would be easier mentally as well. But on a Monday morning, 82 of us all piled in a bus, vans, and cars and headed north, not really knowing what was in store for us. My heart was at ease to be with so many people I knew and loved, kids that I have seen grow and shared stories with. We played a couple of bus games like always, and as always, I was impressed by the kids' random knowledge and personalities. We even shared in a chorus of the overplayed "Frozen" tunes! By the time we arrived, I think even some of the newcomers felt a little more a part of the group. The theme for the week was "This Changes Everything." Now I know that most people assume that since it's a high school conference that adults won't get much out of it, however there are moments that speak straight to our hearts as well. I watched flames being ignited within our students' hearts and was reminded of how even in the middle of our big messes, God can meet us where we're at and start a fire that will never die. Oh how I pray for those kids to remain faithful, to stay connected, and to allow God to change everything for them. For He is far more than capable and so eager to jump in and get them to where they need to be. God even spoke to my heart in areas that I thought I had built high enough walls that no one could reach. He pierced through a darkness that had been lingering for years and for the first time in forever (Sorry if that brings a "Frozen" tune to mind), I finally believed there was some hope. Now I'm far from where I need to be, but God showed up and assured me that He was there, even in the mess I had made. He isn't going anywhere, He is still working on me, and He will change even our most hopeless circumstances. By the end of the week, our group had been on one wild ride; from sand dunes, worship services, ice cream, late nights, surprise engagements, convicting messages, to the witnessing of two students giving their lives to Christ. I praised God for the quiet bus ride home as the kids gave into the exhaustion, and for the change that He had made in such a short amount of time. It wasn't the easiest week as I thought it would be, but every moment, every conversation, and every prayer was beyond worth it! 

      It wasn't but a day and half later that I found myself back in Chicago, still processing the week before, yet trying to be of most help to Ms. Pearl. I came back to a house full of kids and volunteers and the energy was bubbling. I was swarmed with hugs and the blessed reminder of why I am here. God has used those kids to truly change my heart, I would do absolutely anything for them; not something I could have said a couple of years ago. Our volunteers reminded me a lot of my first visit to Roseland, they were excited to help and be a part of the ministry, but by the time nap time came around, they felt in over their heads and needed a nap themselves! This lifestyle has become almost second nature to me that I hadn't realized how much I had changed since I had first arrived. I honestly have no idea how I have made it this long, I can only give glory to God for making it happen. When I first started out on this adventure, I just knew that I would be back home three months into it, and now here I am almost six months in and I don't see God stopping there. He is truly the God of the impossible, He is more powerful than any thing formed against us, and He is completely and utterly faithful to those He calls His own. 

      I may not have everything figured out at the moment, life always seems to be up in the air, but I am certain of this: God is the only one in whom we can fully trust, completely rely, always depend, and forever hold on to. We may be led through uncertain circumstances, scary situations, heart breaking moments, terrifying nightmares, uncharted territory, challenging tests, or unexpected battles, but God remains. He is in the deepest depth of the valley, the highest peak of the mountaintop, and He is in this very moment wherever you may be. My prayer is that you take even just a second to acknowledge His presence, because even in that short time, He could change everything! 

A Forever Student

     I know that I am considered a teacher at the day care now, however, I learn something new every day. I never pictured myself being so blown away by the amount of information I learn about the environment, the people, myself, and God every single day. I am really starting to enjoy this lifestyle, which comes as a shock, because I never dreamed that there would be things about this area that I would like.
      Every day I learn something new about the people I meet, it is so interesting to see the unique ways that God has designed each of us. He has opened doors into hearts that have been closed off, broken beyond repair, that I never thought would be opened up to me. I have always thought I had a purpose, but it wasn't for anything important, like it didn't make much of a difference. However, God has been using me in one girl's life in more ways than I realized. We have been meeting once a week for a couple of months now, and this time it was different. She came looking for advice, seeking encouragement, of all people, she came to me for this. I hadn't seen it before now, the discipleship process that I had studied and read about was actually being lived out in my life. I guess what got to me the most was that He has used me in spite of myself. I have felt unqualified and somewhat ashamed that I have put in the position that I'm in because I didn't feel like I was good enough or ready for the responsibility. I praise God for His faithfulness because that afternoon I believe He used someone completely unexpected to show me that I have purpose and value to Him.
    He has also opened my eyes to how He works in even the smallest parts of life. We have been on a rollercoaster of craziness with the construction project. There have been so many times of discouragement, hope, frustration, and excitement. Despite the obstacles faced, God has shown up in multiple different ways to let us know He is still involved and this project will come together with or without the help of man. Whether it be by an unexpected check in the mail, a group of volunteers that want to help in areas that we haven't even shared yet, or even by having a nice day full of decent weather so the men can work on the building, God has not left us to do this project alone. He reassures us daily that this ministry will prosper and that He still has great purpose for it.
    Now I told you that I have been learning a lot about myself as well, this is always the hard part for me, so bear with me. I have seen a change in me that I wasn't expecting. In the beginning of this journey, I took on the role that I was going to have to figure everything out. I had to figure out how to live this lifestyle, figure out how to survive without an income, learn the ins and outs of the neighborhood in order to remain safe, and figure out how in the world God was going to use someone like me in His plan. Since then, I have had to learn a whole new element of trust, and I have probably discussed this before and it's not a new concept, but the extent that I have to trust God is so much deeper than before. In order to experience this, I have had to let go of so much. I feel like I have lost complete control, which isn't a bad thing, but it is extremely scary at times. But every time fear tries to consume my heart, God has been right there. (I don't know why I always second guess Him!) Every time I worry about the bills I have, He brings about unexpected blessings from the most unexpected people. It is such an honor to see Him work through others in order to further His work in Chicago. There have been numerous incidents in our neighborhood where people have been hurt, the police have invaded our street and shots and cries fill the air. Despite the close proximity to our house, the property has not been damaged, no one has been hurt on our grounds, and God has protected me from seeing it live. I can't help but think that He knows me so well, that if I were to see it in real life that I may not be able to handle it anymore, so He keeps me from it even though I live in the middle of it. If we really stop to look at our lives, we will start to see just how much He loves us and the lengths He will go for us if we would let go of even the smallest amount of control we think we have.
    I could tell you so many scenarios about how He reaches down and meets me in the most precious ways. I love how He will pour out His love for me through the warmth of a tight hug from one of the kids, His peace in situations that don't always seem like they will end well, His guidance when I feel utterly lost, His encouragement through a phone call or letter in the mail, or His hope when I would rather give up, but He assures me that there is so much more than what I can see. There are days when I can think of doing nothing else with my life but working for Him, because who better to be employed by than the one who provides in such unfailing ways. I could spend the rest of time being amazed at His ability to reach the unreachable and His ability to change the hearts that didn't even realize needed changing. I felt the need to share some of this as a reminder to myself and anyone who needed it, that there is so much more to God than we will ever realize and there is no greater adventure than learning new aspects to Him. I would gladly spend the rest of my days studying and experiencing all He is capable of and all He will do if I allow Him! We serve an incredible God, one who is great enough to move mountains, yet chooses to meet us in the most unexpected places to change our whole perspective of who He truly is.

 


Can't imagine spending my time with anyone else!

 


I just can't get enough of these kiddos!