He Changes Everything

   My eyes fill with tears as I sit here thinking of all I can write about. God has shown me so much about who He is and all He is capable of. He has revealed to me so much about myself that it has taken me a while to process it all. And His glory has been shone brilliantly through people of all ages that I can not help but praise His name! 

     Two weeks ago I went to a Christ In Youth conference with my church's high school youth group in Holland, Michigan. Before the trip, I was thinking how this would be an easy week compared to what I have been dealing with in Chicago. It would be familiar and with people I knew, so I thought it would be easier mentally as well. But on a Monday morning, 82 of us all piled in a bus, vans, and cars and headed north, not really knowing what was in store for us. My heart was at ease to be with so many people I knew and loved, kids that I have seen grow and shared stories with. We played a couple of bus games like always, and as always, I was impressed by the kids' random knowledge and personalities. We even shared in a chorus of the overplayed "Frozen" tunes! By the time we arrived, I think even some of the newcomers felt a little more a part of the group. The theme for the week was "This Changes Everything." Now I know that most people assume that since it's a high school conference that adults won't get much out of it, however there are moments that speak straight to our hearts as well. I watched flames being ignited within our students' hearts and was reminded of how even in the middle of our big messes, God can meet us where we're at and start a fire that will never die. Oh how I pray for those kids to remain faithful, to stay connected, and to allow God to change everything for them. For He is far more than capable and so eager to jump in and get them to where they need to be. God even spoke to my heart in areas that I thought I had built high enough walls that no one could reach. He pierced through a darkness that had been lingering for years and for the first time in forever (Sorry if that brings a "Frozen" tune to mind), I finally believed there was some hope. Now I'm far from where I need to be, but God showed up and assured me that He was there, even in the mess I had made. He isn't going anywhere, He is still working on me, and He will change even our most hopeless circumstances. By the end of the week, our group had been on one wild ride; from sand dunes, worship services, ice cream, late nights, surprise engagements, convicting messages, to the witnessing of two students giving their lives to Christ. I praised God for the quiet bus ride home as the kids gave into the exhaustion, and for the change that He had made in such a short amount of time. It wasn't the easiest week as I thought it would be, but every moment, every conversation, and every prayer was beyond worth it! 

      It wasn't but a day and half later that I found myself back in Chicago, still processing the week before, yet trying to be of most help to Ms. Pearl. I came back to a house full of kids and volunteers and the energy was bubbling. I was swarmed with hugs and the blessed reminder of why I am here. God has used those kids to truly change my heart, I would do absolutely anything for them; not something I could have said a couple of years ago. Our volunteers reminded me a lot of my first visit to Roseland, they were excited to help and be a part of the ministry, but by the time nap time came around, they felt in over their heads and needed a nap themselves! This lifestyle has become almost second nature to me that I hadn't realized how much I had changed since I had first arrived. I honestly have no idea how I have made it this long, I can only give glory to God for making it happen. When I first started out on this adventure, I just knew that I would be back home three months into it, and now here I am almost six months in and I don't see God stopping there. He is truly the God of the impossible, He is more powerful than any thing formed against us, and He is completely and utterly faithful to those He calls His own. 

      I may not have everything figured out at the moment, life always seems to be up in the air, but I am certain of this: God is the only one in whom we can fully trust, completely rely, always depend, and forever hold on to. We may be led through uncertain circumstances, scary situations, heart breaking moments, terrifying nightmares, uncharted territory, challenging tests, or unexpected battles, but God remains. He is in the deepest depth of the valley, the highest peak of the mountaintop, and He is in this very moment wherever you may be. My prayer is that you take even just a second to acknowledge His presence, because even in that short time, He could change everything! 

A Forever Student

     I know that I am considered a teacher at the day care now, however, I learn something new every day. I never pictured myself being so blown away by the amount of information I learn about the environment, the people, myself, and God every single day. I am really starting to enjoy this lifestyle, which comes as a shock, because I never dreamed that there would be things about this area that I would like.
      Every day I learn something new about the people I meet, it is so interesting to see the unique ways that God has designed each of us. He has opened doors into hearts that have been closed off, broken beyond repair, that I never thought would be opened up to me. I have always thought I had a purpose, but it wasn't for anything important, like it didn't make much of a difference. However, God has been using me in one girl's life in more ways than I realized. We have been meeting once a week for a couple of months now, and this time it was different. She came looking for advice, seeking encouragement, of all people, she came to me for this. I hadn't seen it before now, the discipleship process that I had studied and read about was actually being lived out in my life. I guess what got to me the most was that He has used me in spite of myself. I have felt unqualified and somewhat ashamed that I have put in the position that I'm in because I didn't feel like I was good enough or ready for the responsibility. I praise God for His faithfulness because that afternoon I believe He used someone completely unexpected to show me that I have purpose and value to Him.
    He has also opened my eyes to how He works in even the smallest parts of life. We have been on a rollercoaster of craziness with the construction project. There have been so many times of discouragement, hope, frustration, and excitement. Despite the obstacles faced, God has shown up in multiple different ways to let us know He is still involved and this project will come together with or without the help of man. Whether it be by an unexpected check in the mail, a group of volunteers that want to help in areas that we haven't even shared yet, or even by having a nice day full of decent weather so the men can work on the building, God has not left us to do this project alone. He reassures us daily that this ministry will prosper and that He still has great purpose for it.
    Now I told you that I have been learning a lot about myself as well, this is always the hard part for me, so bear with me. I have seen a change in me that I wasn't expecting. In the beginning of this journey, I took on the role that I was going to have to figure everything out. I had to figure out how to live this lifestyle, figure out how to survive without an income, learn the ins and outs of the neighborhood in order to remain safe, and figure out how in the world God was going to use someone like me in His plan. Since then, I have had to learn a whole new element of trust, and I have probably discussed this before and it's not a new concept, but the extent that I have to trust God is so much deeper than before. In order to experience this, I have had to let go of so much. I feel like I have lost complete control, which isn't a bad thing, but it is extremely scary at times. But every time fear tries to consume my heart, God has been right there. (I don't know why I always second guess Him!) Every time I worry about the bills I have, He brings about unexpected blessings from the most unexpected people. It is such an honor to see Him work through others in order to further His work in Chicago. There have been numerous incidents in our neighborhood where people have been hurt, the police have invaded our street and shots and cries fill the air. Despite the close proximity to our house, the property has not been damaged, no one has been hurt on our grounds, and God has protected me from seeing it live. I can't help but think that He knows me so well, that if I were to see it in real life that I may not be able to handle it anymore, so He keeps me from it even though I live in the middle of it. If we really stop to look at our lives, we will start to see just how much He loves us and the lengths He will go for us if we would let go of even the smallest amount of control we think we have.
    I could tell you so many scenarios about how He reaches down and meets me in the most precious ways. I love how He will pour out His love for me through the warmth of a tight hug from one of the kids, His peace in situations that don't always seem like they will end well, His guidance when I feel utterly lost, His encouragement through a phone call or letter in the mail, or His hope when I would rather give up, but He assures me that there is so much more than what I can see. There are days when I can think of doing nothing else with my life but working for Him, because who better to be employed by than the one who provides in such unfailing ways. I could spend the rest of time being amazed at His ability to reach the unreachable and His ability to change the hearts that didn't even realize needed changing. I felt the need to share some of this as a reminder to myself and anyone who needed it, that there is so much more to God than we will ever realize and there is no greater adventure than learning new aspects to Him. I would gladly spend the rest of my days studying and experiencing all He is capable of and all He will do if I allow Him! We serve an incredible God, one who is great enough to move mountains, yet chooses to meet us in the most unexpected places to change our whole perspective of who He truly is.

 


Can't imagine spending my time with anyone else!

 


I just can't get enough of these kiddos!



Taking the Time

    I don't think life will ever slow down. I kept telling myself after April things would come to a hault, and then I found myself saying after May, and now I'm thinking I will never reach the end! There is always something to do and always someone to visit with. I know this isn't anything new or earth shattering; I can almost bet that everyone who reads this can add their own busyness to what I wrote. But how many times do we over schedule ourselves, stretch ourselves too thin, or make it almost impossible to make time for what we want to do? I find myself being so busy at times, that I don't have anything to show for it. How often do we ever stop, give ourselves a break, and take our time with a project or person? One thing I have noticed with Ms. Pearl is that she takes her time. She is an extremely busy person, but she doesn't rush through things like I find myself doing. She is an example of patience, endurance, and trusting in God with every minute of her day. I have learned from her to take the time to listen to those around me, to go out of my way for someone else, to make that extra effort to share life with others. I am understanding the importance of taking time for yourself, letting go of unnecessary burdens, and meeting God in the middle of your storm so He can bring about peace.
    Over the past couple of weeks, I have been able to take a step back and focus on what I am putting my time and energy into. This is what I have to show for it:


The kids getting to enjoy the sunshine!

 

 
 

The heating and air conditioning is getting ready to be installed!

 

 

 

I absolutely love these kids!!!!!



 

 

I got to see my best friend get married!

 

 

 
                                  

 

School supplies for the after school program!!!

 

Yes, this is a Cher concert!!!! Merry Christmas to me!!

      It has taken me going through these pictures to realize how much God continues to do for me. My love for those children grows every day, they have stolen my heart. Watching the new building come together is a constant reminder of how God will always provide. He asks us to trust Him with all we have, and to see Him work with all that we are is inspiring! The joy that comes from being around friends and family has encouraged me to take my time with those people and love them right where they are at. I miss how things used to be, but God is helping me understand that He is changing my circumstances to shape me into the person He created me to be. I don't know what that entails, but I do know I wouldn't want to be anything less than all He has designed me to be. And I have to accept the fact that He will take His time to complete His work in me.