Sunday, November 30, 2014

Torn

     Well, I have had a month to think about today. Little did I know that it would be a month until I made the drive back North. Ms. Pearl had to wait to get approved in a ton of different areas and then waited for what seemed like years for the state to give us the official license for the building. Each week, I tried to enjoy my time home, but in the back of my mind, I was trying not to get too comfortable here at home. I needed to stay mission minded and not get distracted by the luxuries or comforts that I left behind. But with each week, a phone call was either made or received saying that the building wasn't quite ready yet. And with each call, I became more discouraged because I miss my friends and my kids, and I didn't want to waste any of my time during this year. And at the same time, I wanted to be able to fully enjoy the people here at home, which wasn't the easiest while riding the traveler's roller coaster. 
    Fortunately, the license is in hand and the kids are anxiously waiting at the doors of the daycare for today and all I have to do is get in the car and go meet them. However, with each mile I drive towards Chicago, I feel the familiar ache of wanting to be home. With each song on the radio, I think of the time I could be spending working, earning a living again; but then I wouldn't be able to hear the laughter of my kids or fix their pain with a hug or a tickle. With each bag piled in the back seat, I yearn to no longer feel like a nomad and find rest in my own space. But if I'm back home, I miss out on the joys that come from meeting so many new people and making so many precious memories. I think of opportunities that wait for me at home, although new and exciting, none will be able to compare to the opportunity to fully allow God to use me in the most unlikely community. I will miss the lessons I learn on a daily basis of what it truly means to follow God and trust Him in every circumstance. Back home, it is so easy to take advantage of the power of Jesus instead of giving Him room to move in His mighty way. Every smile, laugh, and joke shared with kids, young and old, now bring bittersweet tears and cause my mind to wonder how I will ever be able to say my final goodbyes. 
   A friend of mine told me that I only have eight weeks left on this adventure. With that came encouragement that I could finish strong, but then a wave of sadness swept over me at the thought that I will have to leave my new found favorite people. So here I go, trying to make the very best of whatever happens in the next two months. Pray for strength, patience, and for enough tissues to dry the tears that are falling entirely too easily. I can't believe the end is almost in sight and can't thank God enough for everything He has brought me through! 

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