Torn

     Well, I have had a month to think about today. Little did I know that it would be a month until I made the drive back North. Ms. Pearl had to wait to get approved in a ton of different areas and then waited for what seemed like years for the state to give us the official license for the building. Each week, I tried to enjoy my time home, but in the back of my mind, I was trying not to get too comfortable here at home. I needed to stay mission minded and not get distracted by the luxuries or comforts that I left behind. But with each week, a phone call was either made or received saying that the building wasn't quite ready yet. And with each call, I became more discouraged because I miss my friends and my kids, and I didn't want to waste any of my time during this year. And at the same time, I wanted to be able to fully enjoy the people here at home, which wasn't the easiest while riding the traveler's roller coaster. 

    Fortunately, the license is in hand and the kids are anxiously waiting at the doors of the daycare for today and all I have to do is get in the car and go meet them. However, with each mile I drive towards Chicago, I feel the familiar ache of wanting to be home. With each song on the radio, I think of the time I could be spending working, earning a living again; but then I wouldn't be able to hear the laughter of my kids or fix their pain with a hug or a tickle. With each bag piled in the back seat, I yearn to no longer feel like a nomad and find rest in my own space. But if I'm back home, I miss out on the joys that come from meeting so many new people and making so many precious memories. I think of opportunities that wait for me at home, although new and exciting, none will be able to compare to the opportunity to fully allow God to use me in the most unlikely community. I will miss the lessons I learn on a daily basis of what it truly means to follow God and trust Him in every circumstance. Back home, it is so easy to take advantage of the power of Jesus instead of giving Him room to move in His mighty way. Every smile, laugh, and joke shared with kids, young and old, now bring bittersweet tears and cause my mind to wonder how I will ever be able to say my final goodbyes. 

   A friend of mine told me that I only have eight weeks left on this adventure. With that came encouragement that I could finish strong, but then a wave of sadness swept over me at the thought that I will have to leave my new found favorite people. So here I go, trying to make the very best of whatever happens in the next two months. Pray for strength, patience, and for enough tissues to dry the tears that are falling entirely too easily. I can't believe the end is almost in sight and can't thank God enough for everything He has brought me through! 

A Mother's Heart

    As I anxiously awaited their arrival at church a couple weeks ago, I couldn't help but think of how excited I was for my kids to come and see Ms. Wendy's friends. But I also couldn't wait to spend some time with the moms outside of work and to enjoy a fun day being our silly selves and to do something they don't always get to do at home... relax! I am so incredibly thankful that my church family had the opportunity to meet my Chicago family! It warmed my heart to see everyone preparing for their arrival and the smiles that God brought to their faces while they served! After a missing bus in the morning, and a four and half hour caravan drive and a few missed turns, they arrived! The kids of course had their endless supply of energy and were ready for an adventure when they saw the church. But I could see the stress the drive took on the adults and I could only pray that God blessed the hearts of each mother as the day went on. As lunch was served, smiles returned and liveliness filled them again, and they were just as ready for the next adventure as the kids. So much laughter could be heard from everyone as we walked through the pumpkin patch and as the kids chased each other with pumpkin blossoms. 

Future BFF's!

Pumpkin Patch Lesson

And who could keep from laughing as we all made the mistake of following Tajhma in the corn maze and found ourselves completely lost but having so much fun together. After some gymnastics training on the blow up mat, we all piled in our cars to head back to the church for some good ol' central Illinois Trunk or Treating. 

Just as silly as her kids! Love this lady!

Why are we following Tajhma?!?!

Since we're lost, let's take a selfie!

Love this picture!

Tackled with giggles!

Brodie is this kid's new hero!

Costumes were tried on, empty candy bags were passed out, adorable pictures were taken, and then some serious fun was had by all. Shortly after the festivities started, we noticed some kids were missing. I know, every mother's worst nightmare, especially Ms. Pearl's! Phone calls were made that sent us straight to voicemail and minds began to worry and race with possibilities. Ms. Pearl and I set out to find the mom and children while the others enjoyed the hot dog roast and "Smore"gasbord. Thankfully we found her, in a completely different town, but we found her and got the kids back in time to get some pretty awesome pictures taken and bags filled with treats.

Right down the middle Ms. Pearl

There she goes....

Her victory move!

 I tearfully sent them home, missing them more than I expected, realizing how important all of them are to me, and praising God for blessing my life with each person. They will never understand just how much getting to spend time with them means to me. When I got back the next week, the kids were smiling ear to ear asking when they could come back to my church and dress up. Kenya is all ready to just come back on her own to hang out and have fun. And when I spoke with the moms, I could see the fun they had as they thought about their laughs and stories they shared. Despite how exhausted they were, I believe they truly enjoyed themselves, which made my heart super happy. 
   And then last Saturday, we celebrated our Grand Opening of the new building!! I can't begin to tell you how surreal it was to see all the people involved, and what a production it was. Serenaded by a couple of angels, Jamel and Audrey Lewis blessed us with beautiful songs, giving God all the glory for how great He is. There was a praise dance that brought many to tears, reminding us all of how faithful God has been not only in this project, but in our lives as well. The smile on Ms. Pearl's face was priceless. God had pulled through for her yet again, and reassured her that He was not done with Roseland. It was encouraging and overwhelming to think that all the construction craziness was over with, and now we could focus fully on the families attending the daycare. And no block party could be complete without a flash mob dance. So before everyone headed in to see the building, a few of the moms, a handful of kids, some new friends of ours, and myself all joined in the praise dance that was choreographed to "Every Praise" by Hezekiah Walker. Despite how cold it was, everyone had a smile on their face and joy in their heart. There is no denying God's hand upon this project and the future of this daycare! 

Praise Dance

"Every Praise"

It's officially a party!

Have learned so much from this woman!

This will eventually be my room!

   I guess where I'm going with all of this is that none of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't the heart of a mother. If Ms. Pearl had never been changed by God, if she had never listened to His calling, or followed His leading, this daycare wouldn't even be here. I look at the lives it has impacted. To some it offers hope for some women who can't see a way out, it provides support as they carry the load of motherhood and schooling, it offers safety and stability in the midst of the chaos they experience, and it prepares them to live their lives sold out for the God who created them for far more than they could ever imagine.  And there is another mother's heart that made this experience in my life possible. I think of my own under-appreciated, hard working, loving, generous, remarkable mother and can't help but thank God for placing her in my life. Living in Chicago has made me think of all she went through trying to support me after leaving an abusive relationship. I admire her strength, long to have that kind of courage, and I commend her for the life she made for herself. I find myself thanking God for watching out for her, for surrounding her with just the right people to support her, and for bringing her through one of life's darkest times to experience the joy He had in store for her. I see her in the women around me, I sense the energy it drained her of to keep going, I sense the forced smile hiding the tears, and I can see the broken pieces being delicately held together. In the most unlikely characters, I have learned so much about what mothers experience while the children are at play. I have come to a new understanding and greater appreciation for all the mothers in my life and all they selflessly do for those they love. I praise God for the strength, courage, determination, diligence, humility, faith, and love I have seen in the moms around me. To all of them in Chicago and back home, thank you for all you do! You do not go unseen, your efforts are not in vain, and I appreciate all you do! You have all given me just a taste of the lengths God would go to show His love for His children. You are more of an example than you give yourself credit for! I love you!